What are Your Conflict Hooks?
Updated: Sep 10, 2018
When we start recognizing the part we play in conflicts, our narratives start to shift and new possibilities for resolving conflicts emerge. Side-effects may include feeling liberated and even #empowered by the new perspective.
I love giving this simple exercise to clients. It allows you to identify your “Conflict Hooks”. Hooks are our personal triggers. They come from within us, not really from someone else “pressing our buttons”. Have you ever wondered why someone’s behavior can really trigger strong emotions in you, while other people/colleagues might laugh about them or just ignore them?
Our Hooks are powerful and relate to our identity. So when our Hooks are activated, it is as if our identity were threatened. Below are the most common Conflict Hooks:
Competence – you’re hooked when you perceive that someone is questioning your intelligence or skills.
Inclusion – you’re hooked when someone appears to be excluding you in some way (from a group, an event, a committee, etc.) or implies you’re not a good companion.
Autonomy – you’re hooked when someone appears to be trying to control you, impose upon you, or threaten your self-reliance.
Status – you’re hooked when you perceive that someone is threatening or dissing your tangible and/or intangible assets, including power, position, economic worth, and attractiveness.
Reliability – you’re hooked when you perceive that someone is questioning your trustworthiness or dependability.
Integrity – you’re hooked when someone appears to be questioning your moral values or integrity.
Practice: Think about a recent situation where you felt hooked and ask yourself:
Which one(s) of the Conflict Hooks triggered you?
Are there hooks you get caught by more often than others?
Where do you think they might be coming from?
What are your strategies for getting unhooked when you feel hooked?
Source: Conflict Hooks descriptions from: www.resologics.com.